The end of an era and the beginning

Yesterday I watched the launch of the Space Shuttle Atlantis. Unfortunately I didn't watch it from Florida, or even from one of the many viewing parties, but on CNN coverage on mute with closed captions in the break room at work. I have to admit, I skipped half a meeting to do it. :) I watched as the count down proceeded, when it stopped at 31 seconds, then when it continued and the orbiter slipped the surly bonds of Earth for the last time.

Unlike many pilots, I didn't grow up dreaming of flying, I didn't get bit by that bug until I flew. I grew up dreaming of space, the idea of traveling TO space didn't really appeal to me, but the idea of being IN space ... THAT was my childhood dream. And the first shuttle flight when I was 11 was the spark, I think, that made me think space was actually possible.

I distinctly remember the launch of Columbia in 1981. I avidly read and watched everything I could find about that space craft. I did countless "science projects" on the shuttle and the shuttle program. I studied the specs for the orbiters, did papers on their capabilities and made models of them.

I was 12 in 1982 when Columbia had to divert and land at White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico. My dad woke us up at 3AM and we drove from Albuquerque to White Sands to view the shuttle as it sat there. We were kept what seemed like 5000 feet away from it. There was no "close up viewing" but it was worth every minute just to SEE the shuttle in person.

I remember the exactly what I was doing when Challenger died. I was 16 and sitting in my high school math class and someone interrupted the class to tell everyone about the disaster. I remember later that day going to my little hang out spot on campus, called "The Bridge", with my friends and we talked about our fear that space exploration would end because of the disaster. We hoped the human spirit would push out to space in spite of the cost.

I went to college in Houston, TX at the University of Houston to study Space Architecture. I wanted to design space stations. My admissions essay was about how I thought it was so important for humans to go to space in order to unite the human race and relieve the pressures on the Earth. I didn't finish my degree.. my dream of being involved personally in space travel died. But I never stopped dreaming of space and watching the shuttle launches and what they did.

When I was 20 I worked at a job testing smoke stacks for emissions. I was testing the emissions from the backup generators for the Goldstone Complex in the middle of the Mojave desert. 123 degrees in the shade and I was on a hot tar roof. The particular generators I was testing were near the Mars dish. This dish was used for communicating with the Hubble telescope. We had to leave the complex for a couple hours one day.. the shuttle was up by the Hubble, "fixing its lenses".

I remember when Columbia burned up over Texas in 2003, shortly after passing over California. I cried that day. That particular flight still brings tears to my eyes. Maybe because the pain is fresh or maybe because they were so close to home. I don't know why and, frankly, it doesn't matter why.

So as I watched Atlantis rocket into space for the last time.. I cried a bit. I'm sad the shuttle program is done. When I was 11 and the first shuttle launched I never thought I would see the last shuttle launch. When you are 11 you never think of endings.. only of beginnings. I'm sad the US Government no longer has the inspiration to pursue the dream directly any more. I wonder what will become of NASA.

I'm glad there are people like Burt Rutan and Richard Branson and all of the dreamers and entrepreneurs who put their money, time and lives on the line to reach for space for us all. I'm happy there is an actual Space Port being built in New Mexico, just off the same highway my dad and I drove down when I was 12 to see the space shuttle sit on the desert floor.

I never dreamed of flying when I was young. I dreamed of space. Maybe my reach exceeded my grasp a bit there :) On the other hand, when I think of space, of the shuttle, of humans achieving that amazing dream, the feeling that grips my heart is very similar to what I feel when I fly a small plane over the mountains and valleys of California. So as I follow the shuttle on her last mission and watch the end of an era unfold.. I prepare for the beginning of a new era for me, my own era of flight. I study and practice and get ready for that all important check ride that will enable me to slip the surly bonds of Earth on wings of metal powered by avgas and held aloft by wind.

Good luck, Atlantis as you perform your final mission. Safe flight, blue skies and soft landing to you on your return. Here's to the end of an era and the beginning of my own.

Be the Pilot

This morning I went back to the flight club to try practicing PTS maneuvers again. After my previous flight I was apprehensive and not sure how things would go. I hoped I would be able to improve on Friday's performance, hoping Friday was just a "bad day", but my confidence was at a low ebb. The winds were calm again so I knew I had to face the same conditions that I didn't handle well Friday. (Funny that calm winds were harder for me to fly in than winds, but there you have it.)

Well, no point in delaying, so I went out immediately, preflit the plane and reviewed the procedures for short and soft field take offs and landings (with the hope I'd be able to do some!). I started up the plane, got my clearance and carefully taxied out to the runway. My plan this time was to do one normal pattern and then switch to what I came out to practice.

I took off and this time I nailed pattern altitude, I also extended the downwind right the first time, the approach was just above glide slope where I wanted it. I made sure to use all flaps and came in for landing, but I didn't keep the wings level so landed slightly on one main first, then the second. I was able to straighten out but I wasn't on the centerline. Well, at least I landed that time.

Try again, pattern altitude good. I was following another plane in the pattern and made sure not to fly too fast. Downwind was extended significantly as a result.. so I knew I'd need more power than usual. I felt I was low so added more power, turned final and kept the plane above glide slope. Nice stabilized approach, good. Round out for landing too high, so the plane dropped in for the landing a little hard, AND landed slightly cocked again. Argh!

As I taxied back I was feeling very frustrated. I was wondering if I should just stop and go back for retraining or something.

"I'll never get this right", I whined.

Then I got mad. I hate whining and here I was whining. The last time I whined to my CFI, he did something interesting. He said "I'm going to say something that's going to piss you off..... Maybe you just aren't cut out to be a pilot." He said. That stopped me cold, I thought about it and said, "No. I don't believe that. Not at all." So he said simply, "OK then. Just do it."

I remembered that conversation, right after that conversation I had my best crosswind landings in forever. Because I just would not let the plane do anything but be on the center line. I was mad. I got mad again.

"You think you're a pilot. Then be one! Be the pilot and just do it!" I told myself.

No more stalling. Time to do what I came here to do, practice for my check ride. Be the Pilot.

I got cleared for take off and this time I did a soft field takeoff, taxied out to the runway and took up with 10 degrees flaps and holding the nose high, no stopping. Took off around 40 knots, (the plane veered left because of the greater angle of attack than I was used to - busted) pushed the nose down in ground effect, gained speed and finally pitched for Vy, reduced flaps and turned for noise abatement. The tower had me extend my upwind for traffic.. so I did, I got up to pattern altitude, eventually turned cross wind, then came downwind and stayed AT pattern altitude. I was told I was #3 behind a Seneca and cleared for the option. I only saw one plane, the Seneca, so I verified that was the plane I was following, and it was. I extended my downwind to ensure the Seneca would have enough room. I ended up being much further than usual, so I knew I'd need more power. Came in just above glide slope, carefully controlled airspeed, used 40 degrees flaps, rounded out a little bit later, made ABSOLUTELY sure to remain on centerline and keep flying the plane right over the runway looking at the end of the runway and landed. The right way!

Finally! Just do as I've been trained and don't let the plane get off track and it works. *whew*. OK, stay mad :) I knew I'd have to use more right rudder to keep the plane properly aligned on the soft field takeoff. Got cleared for takeoff and did the soft field procedure, took off pushed the nose over to gain airspeed, used more right rudder and was much better at maintaining alignment. Almost perfect. Nailed pattern altitude, turned base at the right time, but turned final late and over shot the centerline, fortunately I had extended the downwind enough I was able to safely realign with the runway. Good stabilized approach, good airspeed, good alignment, 40 degrees flaps and landed.

"OK, see, I can do this right." I thought to myself. It was getting very hot in the cockpit (it got up to 99 degrees before I left the airport a couple hours later). I was sweating heavily and tired. So I decided to do one more to perfect the soft field take off and do another correct landing.

The tower switched me to 31L and cleared me to takeoff, so I rolled on out in proper soft field fashion (nose high, 10 degrees flaps), smoothly advanced the power, more right rudder than usual, off the ground, pitch down to gain airspeed, even more right rudder and I did a perfect soft field takeoff. AWESOME! Got up to speed, removed flaps, pitched for Vy, got to pattern altitude, was the right distance from the runway, right track, right speed. Turned base at the right time, good stabilized approach, controlled airspeed, rounded out a little bit later, was ruthless about staying on the center line, stared at the end of the runway and landed nice and smooth. That was number 5. Good enough I felt. I told the tower I was terminating and got cleared to cross 31R and go to ground.

That felt good. I actually dialed in soft field take offs. AND I got mad enough to be the pilot and just do it right. Something my CFI has told me over and over and over, you just can't let the plane do what it wants to do. If it starts to drift or if you get too high or two low you have to fix it, immediately. Don't get upset about it getting that way, just fix it. Close isn't good enough. Be the pilot. Don't just let things happen.

Boy do I have a lot to work on. But it is starting to make more and more sense every time I bump up against these issues. I'm at that fine balancing act again... that fine line between fanatical perfectionism and not being upset when things aren't right, just fix it. Sometimes I feel like I'm going round and round in circles repeating some lessons over and over. I guess that's what it takes until the behaviors and attitudes I need become ingrained in my psyche. That's what I've got to do to be a pilot. I've got to "be the pilot" to be a pilot.

I'm getting closer to my goal.

Some learning experiences are not so fun.

I'm in the "check ride prep" phase of flight training now. Preparing for the BIG DAY. With my CFI check ride prep involves a couple aspects. One is oral prep, where I study, then he does a mock oral test helping me focus on the specific information I need to memorize vs know where to look up. The other part is working on the maneuvers that I'll be required to demonstrate to PTS standards. This part I do on my own and, if I need help I can get help. After each practice flight I'm to call with a debrief saying if I was able to perform the maneuver to spec or not to spec. That's the plan.

Things went rather well last Sunday doing slow flight and stalls, all were to spec. So Friday my plan was to work on Short Field and Soft Field take offs and landings. After flying was time to meet up with my CFI and do a round of oral test prep.

I went down to the club, preflit the plane and headed out. Pretending I had a DPE in the right seat and making sure to stay on centerline during taxi, do all checklists and use proper phraseology at all times. The winds were calm and the sky clear. A perfect day to fly. I hadn't had calm winds in months, so I reminded myself I needed to extend my downwind further than usual.

I lined up for my first take off, took off, noise abate, turn cross wind, turn downwind, was immediately over 100 ft over pattern altitude. Busted (that would have stopped the check ride right there - out of spec). Ok... fly the plane. Extended the downwind a bit, turned base, turned final and was very high on approach. So high I finally did a go around (that was to spec anyway). Try again.. too high again, extend downwind more (figured that was part of why I was too high), turn base, turn final, too high on approach AGAIN. Damn it! Go around. (Getting good at go arounds).

"If I keep this up I'll get stuck up here," I thought.

Try again, still a bit high on downwind but better, extend downwind more. On final, high, but not as high, so I come in for landing and end up floating more than half of the runway before finally landing. I was instructed by the tower to back taxi and take off again, so I did.

This time I tried a short field take off. I did it, but I let the airspeed get too low (busted), got up quick. This time I stuck to proper pattern altitude, extended the downwind much more, turned base, turned final and finally the approach looked right. Good. Put in 20 degrees of flaps (what I normally use) and still floated down the runway further than I should. I decided I was done for the day. I was certainly not going to be doing what I intended to do.

I stayed around the club waiting for my CFI to do the oral portion. When he arrived he asked me if I was practicing go arounds.. turns out he saw my first three times in the pattern. *sigh* So, we started with a debrief of the flight. He asked me what I did wrong and helped me dissect the flying and figure out what I was doing to get the results I got. That was hard, I really didn't know what I didn't know. But I learned what I didn't know... in the end, I was high on the first 3 because 1) too high in the pattern makes you too high on final if not fixed, 2) I was turning base too early, now I know where to do that, 3) I wasn't using enough flaps to slow the plane down when I came in to land. I needed to increase the drag on the plane (slow it down) mechanically because there was no wind to do it for me. That hadn't even occurred to me. It was upsetting, but at least I learned.

We spent the rest of the time reviewing the oral test subjects, I did really well on some portions, much less well on others. I learned a lot. I was amazed at how much I forgot and blanked on, but that discussion certainly cemented some things in my brain. Overall a great learning experience and a frustrating day.